Kneeling
by Anonymous Nerd Girl
Summary: This is my take on how Belle confronts Rumplestiltskin about killing Zelena and how I'd like to see them resolve their issues.


"I thought I'd find you here." The sound of her voice was the balm his soul needed, but would never deserve. Rumplestiltskin's lips moved to form a greeting, but kneeling before his boy's grave he found himself unable to reply.

"They found Zelena, Rumple. You couldn't have thought they wouldn't." Belle crouched beside him. "Why did you lie to me?"

"He was my son, Belle. I gave him my word." Every syllable tasted of ash and dirt. Killing Zelena hadn't eased the ache in his heart and he wasn't ready to see it widen as he knew it must.

"I know you did, Rumple. You promised him you would stop being a monster. You promised him you would be a better man. How has killing that woman fulfilling any of that?" Belle's indignation was a thing of beauty really, even when it was a prelude to goodbye. Still, he had to make her understand.

"Do you know what happens when you let the someone like the Wicked Witch live, Belle? They bide their time and they strike because they have nothing left to lose. They cast a Dark Curse, they steal a magic dagger, or they shoot an innocent woman in the back. Heroes may not kill, but villains do and they don't get bitten by the same dog twice. She had to die."

"That's not why you killed her, and you didn't kill her for Neal either. Rumple you wanted to make the pain go away. It didn't work, did it?" Blue eyes sought his, but he kept his gaze leveled at the tombstone. Beloved Son.

"I gave my life so he could be safe and happy. All I wanted was for the two of you to be safe. She stole that from him. From me. She brought me back to watch the life drain from his body! I couldn't let that stand." Each word hissed between his teeth, halfway between a wince and a snarl.

"Neal told me a story on our journey to the Dark Castle after we lost you. He said that a man with a donkey cart knocked him down and he skinned his knee. You turned that man into a snail and stepped on him. Did killing that man heal your son's scrape?" Belle didn't wait for him to shake his head or offer up any denial. "No, it didn't. You did it because seeing your son hurt made you feel powerless. You killed Zelena because she made you feel powerless. She controlled you and she took away the thing you love most in the world. I understand what you did, Rumplestiltskin. I understand you. What I don't understand is why you lied to me."

"I didn't lie. I didn't promise not to-" His voice trailed off. There was no point in prolonging things.

"You told me you trusted me with your dagger. You told me you knew I would never use it and I didn't. I asked you not to kill Zelena, I didn't try to force you. Why did you make a big gesture out of giving me a fake?" Belle's voice started to break. "Was your proposal a lie too, Rumple? You didn't even go to bother of stopping the security cameras in the sheriff's station, you made no effort to hide what you were doing? What was the point of lying to me, Rumple?"

Her came to rest on his forearm and he chanced a look at her face. Once their eyes met he couldn't look away. "I wanted it to be the truth Belle. I wanted a moment to let you know what you meant to me before I destroyed it all. You know I love you, but I can never be the man you deserve. I wanted for a few seconds to pretend that I was and to hear you promise you'd spend a lifetime with me. But the moment's over and you're right. Zelena's dead and my son's still gone. I have nothing and I am nothing."

"You still have me Rumple. I'm angry with you, but I'm not leaving and I won't let you push me away this time. We're going to face this together."

"Belle. You should go now, I'm never going to be any better than I am right now. I don't deserve-"

Fingers tightened around his wrist. "The day we found the key to the vault of the Dark One I told Neal that I love all of you, even the dark parts. Can you trust me to do that? Can I trust you Rumple?"

"Villains don't get a happy ending, my son had to pay for my mistakes and if you stay with me the same will happen to you one day."

"Neal believed in you, and I do too. He died so you could reunite and protect his family." Rumplestiltskin watched the tears fall and make trails down her face and tasted salt from his own.

"And we saw how well that worked out. Zelena could have ordered me to kill anyone. Henry, Emma, no one was safe. I almost sent an arrow through a little boy as his father looked on. I'm no hero, my boy was. Now he's gone and it was having faith in me that killed him. Having faith in me will poison you too."

"No Rumple. I know you better than that, and even if it did it's my choice. But when you push me away, it makes me feel like you don't want me getting in your way. When you lie it shows me that you really don't trust me enough not to try to control you like she did or that I'm going to abandon you." The tears had graduated into quiet sobs that tore into Rumple's soul.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I was obsessed with destroying her, destroying myself. You weren't meant to be the collateral damage. You are the only good thing left in my life, I want to protect you." He'd expected her to doubt him, that was his design. Seeing he doubt herself was sacrilege.

"I don't want to be protected. I want to make my own choices. I choose you Rumplestiltskin, I've always chose you. When will you accept that?"

"I know that I'm your choice, and what has it ever done but hurt you? I never want to leave your side again, but someone or something will along and you'll have to pay for my mistakes." Milah paid for his cowardice, Bae for selfishness and again for his ruthlessness to find him.

"Don't you understand, Rumple? It's the mistakes like these that I pay for.

I was so happy when you asked me to marry you, when you trusted me and you told me you would try not to let your hate get the better of you. I would have much rather you be honest than to find out that your proposal was a lie."

"Belle the proposal was sincere, but I knew that you wouldn't want me after I went against your wishes. I asked you them because I knew it was my only chance to hear you say yes." It was one moment of light in a year of pitch black.

"Do you mean that Rumple? Is there still room in your heart for me when there's so much pain and anger?" The concern on her face was puzzling, he'd hurt her and yet she worried for him.

"Oh, sweetheart. I would marry you tomorrow if I thought you would forgive me for what I've done."

"I love you, Rumplestiltskin. I forgive you. I want to marry you, but you need time to grieve for your son. You need to heal and so do I."

"So you'll marry me?" As weighed down as his heart was his spirits lifted momentarily.

"Of course I will. When we're both ready. I miss Neal too, Rumple. We grew very close after you- I wish we could have been a family."

Rumplestiltskin had no words for that, his grief was too fresh and hundreds of years of toil and planning rested under the ground he kneeled upon. But Belle was holding his hand and would help him up when he was ready to leave.


End file.
